I filled the next few days with the nuances and the needs of my daughters, afraid to be alone again after the last time led to two of my spirit guides stepping forward and me giving messages to a stranger on the street from her deceased grandfather. And yet, another part was eager to see what happened next. My heart was like a jackhammer in my chest as I walked into Whole Foods, alone again, trying to solely focus on my shopping list and nothing.
Although the store appeared deserted in the middle of the day, the spirit realm was quite the opposite and a blast of voices crashed in on me, trying to get my attention.
“Come this way,” I heard, a woman’s hoarse voice urging me to find her son in a distant aisle.
“No, she's here for me,” a man’s voice came through.
“She’s definitely here to share my message,” another voice chimed in before being drowned out by the flood of more spirits trying to interject.
I stopped in my tracks, clutching a shopping basket to my chest, not even making it far enough into the store to pretend I was looking at fruit. My eyes watered, my heart hammered harder. Make it stop, my mind begged somewhere amidst the noise, debating if I should just turn around and leave. Squeezing my eyes shut tight, I took a deep breath, trying to recall why I was there in the first place realizing it would be quite strange to come home empty handed.
“Fish,” I heard from somewhere in the distance, unable to identify if it was a spirit or my own mind, thankful nonetheless, I bee-lined for the seafood counter.
Another customer was being helped in front of me and my tight chest and sweaty palms made it too difficult to stand still. As I meandered toward the fruit, thoughtlessly adding things to my basket, my attention called back to the seafood counter and more clearly to the young man standing behind it.
Uh oh, my mind announced, warning my body that it may be time to run. We can survive without groceries, it beckoned…especially without fish.
Yet, despite my mind’s resistance my body was propelled toward the counter, wanting me to engage with this young man to share a message from another realm.
He’s still talking to someone, I announced to myself and took a hard right, panting as I used all of my will to get as far away from the fish as possible. Finding myself on the opposite side of the store adding things to take home to my kids to my basket as well as to avoid this interaction completely. But no matter how far away I got it was as though a rope was reeling me back in, begging me to connect.
With a tightness in my throat stronger than any I had ever experienced before, I allowed myself to return back to his side of the store, my body moving toward him as if someone else was in charge of its movement. My trembling hands gripping the handles of my now overflowing basket.
“Umm may I have the umm…” I stalled, clearing my throat as I stepped towards him, realizing I had no idea what I actually needed.
“The tilapia is fresh today!” he announced with a beautiful wide smile.
“Yes, yes,” I croaked, “I’ll take a pound of that.” My mind tried to ask me what exactly I was going to do with tilapia, but it was drowned out by my shallow breathing and drumming heart, the soft presence of a female energy approaching on my left side, a pink aura filling the air.
My mind jumped in, trying to analyze who this figure was. Her energy came in as a wise presence and I concluded that it was his grandmother.
“D-did you by chance lose a grandmother?” I said, barely louder than a whisper.
His head cocked to the side, his eyes widened and yet softened at the same time.
“No,” he replied, handing me my wrapped fish. “My grandmothers are both alive and well.”
“Oh,” I said, plopping the package into my basket, wishing I hadn’t said anything at all. You could have just taken your fish like a normal person, my mind chattered. “Well I am a medium, which means I am able to connect to those who have crossed over.” I word-vomited to bide my time.
You are not! my mind interjected.
The female energy glowed stronger, around him and me. “Maybe an aunt?” I guessed, biting my lower lip.
“Nope,” he said smiling, filling me in on how all of his female relatives were alive and very much a part of his life.
As he spoke my mind got louder, telling me to abandon this idea all together, to escape while I had the chance. “Maybe I got it wrong,” I admitted, hoping to be let off the hook.
“Please tell me more,” he replied, leaning forward, resting his arms on the cold metallic counter, “I am so intrigued.”
His warm invitation and the calm female presence allowed me to lean into the messages, and just as though a movie was playing above my eye line, the image of her hand taking his appeared.
“Well I am not sure who it is,” I said, still uncomfortable that I couldn’t put my finger on it, “but she is taking your hand and guiding you along the way. She wants you to know that you’re not alone.”
Like a cartoon playing out, their two figures began to climb a mountain together before descending into a valley and then climbing back up again to the next peak. Each valley more shallow than the one before and each mountain higher.
“It feels like you are on the right path,” I continued, somehow knowing that this is what she was trying to say. An image of his big smile and bright heart now floating in. “You have this beautiful inner happiness that just radiates out and she is highlighting how being in your joy is the most important thing.”
His bright eyes became even lighter and his smile somehow wider as he exhaled deeply. “I have always felt that,” he replied, “like I am so happy no matter what I am doing, I just feel the joy and I love connecting with people from that place.”
My smile broadened to try to match his. “I’m sorry it wasn’t more clear, I’m not sure who it was coming through.” I said, my mouth now drooping as my mind took back over.
“I’m so happy you shared this with me,” he said, “I feel so much lighter, like I know I am never alone and it feels so good to be exactly where I am meant to be.”
“Oh good,” I managed, suddenly aware of just how heavy my basket was.
“Maybe she’s my guardian angel,” he continued, his voice alight with excitement.
“Maybe,” I replied, waving goodbye as another customer approached.
“Thank you,” he called again but I was focused on what he had said before.
Could it be an angel? I wondered. Can I connect with that realm as well?
“Yes,” I heard softly above my ears, a calm sweeping over my heart.
If I can connect with spirits that have crossed as well as angels, what else am I capable of? The thought consumed me as I approached the checkout counter.