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Leaning into Trust

After hosting my first twelve week Soul Sourcing course, my guidance was pouring in to launch a ten-month program in the new year. By this time, I was trusting this divine wisdom and had stopped doubting what was coming through, as it always ended up being the correct path for my soul. Plus, I couldn’t wait to experience the immense joy I held during the entirety of the first course I facilitated for an extended period of time! 

So, in less than an hour, I created a webpage for the program and posted about it on social media. When the vision of the course came through in a reading I shared the details with the client I was channeling for.

At first, there was quite a lot of interest and I was filled with pride that I had listened to my guidance and it was all working out with zero challenges. Just as my confidence was at a peak, I woke up to five clients who had been leaning toward saying yes to the course share that they would not be joining. My mind chatter erupted as I doubted that anything I was hearing was real and wondered how I could have the audacity to believe I was capable of supporting anyone for ten months, let alone that they would want me to do so. 

With two clients confirmed, the shame bubble inside of me grew as I imagined having to cancel it all. Somehow admitting that I had failed sounded harder than trying to find more clients to fill the spots. My mind attached to old ways of hitting a deadline and what had worked in my retail career to find the right people. As my anxiety spun, I noticed how my mind was running the show and realized I needed to shift back into my soul’s perspective.

I sat down and called in God’s energy. With tears streaming down my face, I asked, “What am I supposed to do? Should I cancel it?”

“No,” came calmly through, just above my ears.

“But it starts so soon,” I argued back, my mind counting down the days until we were meant to begin.

“Push it back a month,” echoed back softly.

“Oh,” I replied, struggling to come up with a response. “But what about…”

“Push it back a month,” came again, a gentle ease flooding my body with the words.

Okay, I replied in my mind, as the question I was about to ask was answered. I’ll gift an extra reading this month to the two clients that have already signed up.

Within thirty minutes I had messaged both clients about the change and updated my website with the new start date, the excitement coursing through my body as I imagined who would join me for this adventure, assuming that with this shift, it would all be easy from here.

Three weeks later, not a single new client had signed up. 

Although the mental chatter chimed in quickly, this time I was able to move back into my inner knowing and get connected. This is not about my success or failure, I noted, this is about trusting what I am being guided to do. If it’s meant to work it will, and if not, it won’t, and that’s okay too. The fear and shame began to melt away with this realization.

“Okay God,” I announced, “if this is meant to be, I will have one more client sign up by Friday,” my heart beat a bit faster as I realized this was only six days away. “If not, I’ll cancel the course, and that’s okay too.”

With this agreement made, I pulled myself back into the trust of the universe and opened my heart to the knowing that anything is possible. 

The six days passed quickly and the night before the new agreed to date to either move forward or cancel the program,  no new clients had signed up. The fear took over once more, my heart and mind clouded with failure and doubt. Deep breaths before bed brought me back into the trust and I called on God for the support in either continuing or canceling. 

The next morning I woke up to a text message that read, “I’m in!”

My heart soared and I lifted my gaze to the heavens and thanked God for showing me the way. “Okay let’s do this!” I replied. Within twenty four hours I had another client say yes!

Less than ten days before we were set to begin the Soul Sourcing course, I sensed that there were two more women who would be joining us, but I had zero idea who they were.

“Post on social media,” came in a whispered voice.

“Oh”, I replied, “okay,” As my mind wondered how my limited followers of friends and family would be where I would find someone.

“You already know them,” I heard again, the warm trust flooding my heart.

And without questioning anymore, I hit post.

But where is the other person coming from? I wondered. 

A moment later an email notification buzzed alerting me that a discovery call for my course had been scheduled for the next day with Lisa. Although I did not recognize her name, she shared that she had been referred to me by Jonny, who I had supported with the passing of his now angelic wife, Frankie, who I could tell was putting things in motion on the other side.

The moment that Lisa appeared on my screen on our discovery call, her vibrant energy ignited not only her room but mine as well. She shared that she wasn’t quite sure what she had even booked but she had felt a strong urge to reach out to Jonny to ask for my information the day before.

Lisa told me the story of how she had never met Jonny before but her sister-in-law was Frankie’s cousin, and she had heard the recording of the reading I had done of Frankie sharing that she would be leaving her earthly form.

“It changed my life,” she announced.

I shook my head, trying to make sense of it all, having no idea that the recording had ever been played, let alone that it had been shared so widely.

“I realized that my connection to the infinite is possible and not defined by my physical form,” Lisa continued. 

The surge of God’s voice chanted around me, “Yes, yes, yes.” It was clear that Frankie had not only urged me to start this course, but she had also brought Lisa forward to be part of the incredible journey.

“I am feeling like I want to pull a card,” Lisa told me, holding up a deck of oracle cards.

“Oh I have those too!” I said, finding the identical deck next to my chair, when they were usually tucked away in a drawer.

As she shuffled her cards, I began to do the same.

“Share your voice,” she read, holding the card up to the screen for me to see.

I too followed suit, pulling a card and holding it up.

“Oh my God!” I announced, my eyes wide, “Share your voice!”

We erupted in laughter as we realized we had both pulled the exact same card. 

“Wow,” is all I could muster, blown away by the power that was pulling us together. “I am sensing that you’re meant to do what I do,” I shared as a  vision of her doing readings for others  flashed above my eyeline. “ 

As Lisa said yes to her own guidance and joined the Soul Sourcing course, my heart was light with delight and the deep knowing that I would get to support her and this beautiful group on the journey of unlocking their own gifts.

  Soon thereafter a friend from middle school snagged the last spot in a reply to my social media post. I had filled my course! And all of them were doing readings for others by the time the course concluded.

“Wow God,” I wrote in my morning pages, “it is so incredible what is possible when I trust you and this journey.”

“It definitely is,” God’s voice replied through my pen.

My heart rocked with ease as I understood how I had needed to go through the doubt and fear in order to return to the trust and knowing that I am always guided and held. At that moment I remembered only six months earlier when I struggled to write the word God, let alone say it out loud. 

Anger and fear flashed through my mind from my religious as well as anti-religious path in life, the misunderstanding that I had held that church was the only way of having a relationship with God. And then, I fondly remembered the journey I took in inviting that relationship back into my life in a whole new way. My way…

To be continued in my newsletter next week...

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