The following weeks after giving a reading to the man at the fish counter in the grocery store, I struggled to go outside alone, not knowing when another spirit would appear. However, it wasn’t as though I was escaping them at home either, the quietness of the shower would inevitably invite in my newly passed next door neighbor’s energy, showing me more signs for his wife and daughter. I wasn’t sure how to just put it all on pause and found my mind constantly focused on when another spirit would interject itself into my day.
I began to devour any information I could find on the subject, listening to multiple books by Theresa Caputo, The Long Island Medium while breastfeeding and making dinner. I even looked up spiritual communication classes I could take, but every time I opened the webpage I heard a clear, “No, you don’t need that.” But, I argued back, I need something!
The next day I nervously shared with one of my closest friends what was occurring. Not only did she welcome the concept with open arms, she told me she knew someone who was a psychic medium and asked if I would like an introduction. I jumped at the chance to ask someone for guidance and within a couple days was on a call with her. The first thing that she said to me was, “You need to learn how to close your channel.”
“Oh,” I replied, trying to understand how to do this.
“When you are open, you are like a bright white light that all of the spirits get attracted to and without closing it, you’re inviting in whoever is around.”
My eyes were wide, digesting the information.
“Spirits come from all different levels on the other side and you only want to invite in those that are doused in God’s white light.”
“Got it,” I said, trying to understand how to only welcome in a higher vibration as well as close my channel all together.
After lots of note taking and finding a few tangible things to do like wearing a black onyx in my bra or lighting a candle when I want to invite in spirit and extinguishing it when I was complete, I asked a question that was weighing on me.
“So how did you know all that you were capable of?”
“I just always knew things before they happened,” she replied, sharing stories about when she was young and had spoken out loud about events that hadn’t occurred yet and saw those that had crossed over right in front of her. Because she had these abilities from birth, she couldn’t break down how they had turned on, leaving me still with a plethora of questions about what was next.
And yet she left me with a newfound confidence that I was in charge of when spirit was allowed in, I made up prayers to close my channel, imagining the white light above my head turned off completely and carried black stones in my bras, ready to return to the normal stay-at-home mom life I was used to.
However, every few days a buzz of anxiety rang through my ears and vibrated through my whole body as though something was pressing in on me. I had suffered from severe panic attacks in college and it was as though they were returning again.
A few weeks later I found myself in my hair dresser’s backyard, her hands on my wet head, my infant daughter on my lap and the anxiety pushed in like a heavy cloud sitting over my shoulder. The air became still and my thoughts tried to push away any and all connection to the panic. However, within the midst of the chaos a calmness appeared and I realized then that this sensation wasn’t anxiety, it was spirit trying to come through. Taking a deep breath, I decided I was ready to let it in.
Calmly,I imagined myself surrounded in white light. I welcomed in my spirit guides by name, a few more having made their entrance since meeting my first two.
How, Lily, Somaya and Dawn, I said to myself, thank you for protecting me in God’s white light. My heart twinged at the word God, realizing I was still not fully comfortable with our new relationship yet. Pushing that thought to the side, and with the reassurance of my guides, I allowed the energy to come forward.
My hairdresser’s mom’s pink aura gracefully approached.
“So,” I managed to my hairdresser, “I haven’t really told you this, but I have been connecting with spirits that have crossed over, and umm…” I paused, struggling to meet her focused gaze. “Your mom is here.”
“Oh,” she said, clearly taken aback.
“Are you open to hearing the messages?”
“Yes”, she managed. returning to cutting my hair, but clearly interested.
“She’s bringing up her specific floral perfume,” I shared, getting the impression of a powdery fresh scent. The image of her lipstick stained lips popping in above my eyes. “And her lipstick that she always wore.”
My hairdresser smiled through her shock, saying that she was known for these two things. An image of yellow roses appeared and I shared this with her as well.
“Whenever I see yellow roses I think of her, it’s my sign from her.” My hairdresser continued, her eyes welled with tears, clearly trying to figure out if she should continue doing my hair or just focus on my words.
As I continued to share loving messages from her mom, another soul then stepped forward, her feminine energy hovering right above her mom’s energy.
“There’s another soul here,” I continued, bouncing my now fussing daughter softly on my lap. “She’s showing me her name as C-A-R- something,” I said, trying to see more of it.”
“My grandmother's name was Carma,” my hairdresser murmured softly, now giving up completely on my hair.
“She’s holding a tray of cookies,” I continued.
Her eyes overflowed with tears, “we called her Grandma cookie!” my hairdresser exclaimed, a wide smile spreading across her wet cheeks.
An ease took over my whole body as though I was floating on a cloud, the anxiety completely dissipated. A deep knowing washed over me that I may be in charge of closing my channel but I also needed to promise to open it again. An image of a weekly calendar appeared above my eyes showing me the three times each week in which my channel would be open.
Oh, I gulped, the tightness in my throat making it hard to swallow again as I scooped my daughter into my arms and said goodbye, this is just the beginning…
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