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Miscarried Souls

After talking so much about future babies' souls, it's also important to talk about miscarried babies as these souls have a lot to say. I myself have miscarried two babies, both at eight weeks; and I have channeled miscarried babies that have departed from their human form during all phases of pregnancy.

     Miscarried souls come through to share all sorts of messages. Sometimes they're short and sweet and sometimes long winded. In one of my early readings, a miscarried soul came through to lead the entire reading for his mom. He shared how much grief still resided in her heart since his passing and highlighted how she had tried to push it away, telling herself that because he was only with her during the first trimester and that she had had another baby since then, she should get over it. However, he came forward to tell her that it was okay to grieve for him and he was with her every time she thought of him.

          His mom's eyes welled with tears as he showed me his beautiful angel wings he had received since his time in her womb. His soul had needed to experience what life was like as a human being and even in just that short amount of time he was able to understand what it was like to be loved. His soul was now able to be an angel as he had truly wanted; he didn't need an entire lifetime to receive his wings, the time in her womb was enough. He shared that he would always be around her as a guide and that he had been with his brother before he arrived in the world. He even left his brother with a special birthmark kiss that was visible to show that they had been together as a reminder of his love. His mom shared how her heart was finally free of the heaviness she had carried for so long after our reading. She could feel his presence around her which allowed her to begin to release the mourning of his physical form not being present.

          Sometimes a soul's lifetime in their mother's womb is enough to complete their human contract while other times babies' souls leave their bodies because the timing isn't right or they are not in the correct physical form, only to return when the conditions are what they desire. In a reading with another client, her baby boy shared that he had needed to leave his body at 22 weeks in utero because it wasn't the right timing and he needed a body that would fully support him in this lifetime. He wanted her to know that there was nothing that she could have done differently to fix or change the outcome but that he would return.

          When she found out she was pregnant again, this time with a girl, we tuned in to see if it was his soul again, it wasn't. He was around and supporting his sister's arrival as she was meant to be born first. They had made a deal before coming that although he would be in their mother's womb first, she would be in their mother's arms first as she was meant to be the older sister. Not only did it bond them even more closely, it also solidified that he would return once his mother's heart had been mended by his sister's love.

         As it neared his sister's second birthday, he popped into my awareness, letting me know that he was around but this time he was staying. I messaged my client, asking if she was expecting. She replied that she was not, so I shared that he kept showing me a positive pregnancy test and told me numerous times that he was a boy. A couple of days later, she sent me a photo of a positive pregnancy test that she had taken after our conversation. Now that sweet boy is earthside and has a very close bond with his big sister and mama too!

           Another reason babies' souls leave their bodies is that they are not in the correct gendered body that their soul had planned. Another client was struggling to conceive her second child after easily getting pregnant with her older son. We tuned into the baby's soul in a reading and she had a sparkly pink girl energy which my client felt too. “I know she's a girl,” she replied. The female energy assured her mom that she was coming.

         After implanting female after female embryo, my client was heart broken and terrified as she had suffered multiple miscarriages and only had male embryos left. She questioned how she could ever bring this baby girl into the world. We connected again after she implanted  a male embryo and was newly pregnant. She was scared of another miscarriage and was also missing the female energy she had felt so close to her before. As I tuned into the energy of her pregnancy,  that sweet female soul appeared and surrounded her womb with love. The soul shared with her mom that she was still around and yet not meant to come earthside; however, it was part of both of their souls' plan for her mom to keep feeling the female energy and specifically try having a girl in order to set up the timing  perfectly for her little brother.

          She shared that the client's older son needed more time as an only child for his soul's path and if she had implanted a male embryo earlier on, they would have been too close together to fulfill his future destiny. She shared that she was in fact an angel and would be around them always and that the baby in her womb would be healthy and happy and full term. Those sweet brothers are now seven and one and although far apart in age, so close in their hearts.

          One of the hardest parts about miscarriage is the deep fear that loss will occur again, whether in pregnancy or beyond. After nearly five years of trying to conceive, I found out I was pregnant through IVF with twins. The wave of relief that washed over me screamed, “Finally! It was all worth it!” Like all those years of grief and pain had paid off with not one, but two babies. I imagined their whole life in front of me, and although I didn't technically know their genders, my heart understood that there was one boy and one girl in my womb. I began to do a daily guided meditation where I would check in with their souls and tell them I was here for them. One of the questions then posed is to ask, “is there anything that you want me to know?”

          Each time the reply from the girl's energy came through as, “I am healthy and thriving,” and a glowing light appeared around her. Yet each time I checked in on the boy his response was, “I am not okay,” and his light came through as though it was dimming.

          I thought that if I willed the image away it wouldn't be true but at eight weeks we went in for an ultrasound; and as the doctor moved over the first twin, he didn't move and even though he focused in on the second twin who was wiggling every which way, my heart had already began to break before the words were out.

          “I'm so sorry,” the doctor said, “it looks like his heart just stopped beating today.”

          My husband buckled over in sobs as the tears poured down my cheeks, the sadness crushing me and yet at the same moment a light rang through reminding me that I knew this was going to happen. I would have thought that the knowing would make the grief dissipate faster but instead all I could focus on was when the next thing would go wrong. I obsessed over the impending doom of my daughter, convinced she wouldn't make it either, even refusing to think of names for her as I didn't want to get too attached.

          When I had made it the full forty-one and a-half weeks, I thought that I would trust that she was going to live, but the fears escalated in labor and I was convinced that this was now how she would die, telling myself that there was no way that she could make it through because the next heartbreak was inevitable. After 75 hours of labor, she arrived, alive and well; and I thought that that would end the doubt, but it didn't. Instead I put all my energy into protecting her from anything or anyone that could possibly hurt her and take her away from me, not even trusting my husband to be alone with her.

          As it neared her first birthday, I was a wreck, I hadn't slept in a year and I lived in a constant state of panic. I needed help, so I began to work with my mentor, Dr. Maura Moynihan to focus on my own inner fears that were clouding my ability to be present and not solely focused on what could possibly come next. Slowly but surely I began to trust again and release the grief of losing my son.

          Although I healed the majority of that loss, it will rear its head again when I am out of balance or not spending enough time doing things for myself. It came back strongly again during my second pregnancy and I even found myself pushing my oldest daughter away emotionally to protect myself in case something were to happen to her. Somehow the thought of having two living children sounded too good to be true. It may not make logical sense, but after loss it doesn't need to. Even five years later when I miscarried again last year, it wasn't just the loss of this baby I was feeling but all the grief from my last pregnancy resurfaced and I began to focus on what else could go wrong in my life.

         The greatest lesson that I have learned from all baby souls who are either making their eager parents wait to conceive or baby souls who are miscarried, is that we are not in control. Even though we may think that we should be able to plan out when we are ready to get pregnant or how far apart our children should be, we aren't the ones who know. Just as we aren't meant to know anything that will happen. Sure, we get nudges along the way that support our journey as I did when I was told my son wouldn't make it to term, but that didn't occur to make me stop trusting life. In fact it occurred so that I would know that even when heartbreaking things happen, incredible things can still take place.

         As I look back on my journey to becoming a mother, I am grateful for all parts of it, even the ones that in the moment I thought would break me. Each one of them brought me to exactly where I am today. I find when I am in a moment of overwhelm and struggling to face what is in front of me, those memories of what I have been through allow me to trust that it will be all okay because I have been okay before. Even though we may not know what comes next, our soul does, and it always has our back- and our front- and even all our sides!

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